According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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