Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
