Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
