I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
