Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
