Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
