so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
