don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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