I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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