quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
