I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
