he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
