i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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