That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
