Yo dont text me then not text me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
