I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
