Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
