your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
