We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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