Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
