Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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