I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
