you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My liver just had a heart attack.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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