im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
