Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize