OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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