I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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