I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
