Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
