I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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