just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
