Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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