Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
