So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
