she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
false alarm. still invincible.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
