she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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