Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
