well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
