so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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