would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
