FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize