Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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