btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If I die, sorry about rent.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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