Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm always down for nudity.
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