There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
