Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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