I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
