Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize