i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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