would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
