i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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