I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
