she told me i tasted like america
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I could fuck to npr.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
