I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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