you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize