My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
