i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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