So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
