Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She's the barista slut.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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