I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
