this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
