I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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