hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
