it hurts more in the daytime
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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