i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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