Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
