Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
